Just another night...

Well just another night here and everyone is in bed but me. Heading that way in a few minutes. Seems this is the time I always think of you. Some nights more than others. Some nights are peaceful and other nights I still lay in bed as tears stream down my face. Some nights it feel so unreal and I wish my mind could comprehend the complexity of all that has happen. My only daughter gone.
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When I think of you I think of little pink dresses, bows, blond hair and blue eyes. I think of sweet innocence and seeing the smile of my beautiful baby girl. What would you look like? How would you act like? How my world would be different.
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I can still feel you...your movements. I can still feel the deep deep ache in my heart, that through time has become weaken and less painful. But when I think back to those moments after losing you...the minutes, hours, days, and months right after...I still remember the pain.
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Here is a quote I recently heard and really like it:
You'll never know how STRONG you are until being strong is the only choice you have left.
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I remember when I finally realized that no matter what, no matter how much I hurt, or how much i cried, it wasn't going to change anything. I realized I had to make the choice to accept what had happen and make the choice to not feel miserable all the time and get through it and try to be strong....you have no other choice.
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When I think of you tonight I still wish you were here. I love you with all my heart...sweet baby girl.